Addiction recovery, and service in the LDS 12 Step Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) is the single most important thing in my life. I’ve shared our story of addiction and recovery over the last 5 years with you guys, and while I don’t talk about it a ton in the day to day content on the blog, it is a HUGE part of who I am.
I started the blog right before Court got sober (in July 2010) after 8 years of active addiction had destroyed everything. Usually behind every good addict you’ll find at least one co-dependant trying to keep things together. That was me. I had completely lost who I was as a person over that time. There was nothing left in either of us. We were completely lost and hopeless. A hopelessness that is so deep you cant even begin to describe the darkness. It was the only constant thing in my life, that feeling of pain.
Long story short (you can read the whole long story here) we found ourselves in an LDS Addiction Recovery Program meeting. The feeling of love and understanding that was in that room was tangible. We weren’t the only people who dealt with horrible things. We weren’t judged. We were not alone.
So twice a week for the last 5 years, Court and I have been at these meetings. We started out as attendees, scared and hopeless and it has grown into a service mission where we get to be the ones to share hope that comes through our Savior and give the unconditional love that we felt. The love that saved us.
The LDS Church launched a video series yesterday that breaks the 12 steps wide open. They are gritty and true stories of self inflicted pain and isolation. 12 stories of individuals at the brink of destruction. 12 stories out of the tens of thousands that could be told of the rescue that came through Jesus Christ. The series mainly focuses on drug addiction (there are a few videos that talk about sex addiction and eating disorders) For those that may not have this as part of their lives it might be a little intense, but its true.
This is the reality. Its horrible and dark and terrifying.
But there is a way back.
However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.
-Jeffery R. Holland
The thing is that everyone can benefit from this program. You don’t have to be living in your car to need help. Your addiction doesn’t have to be to Heroin. The Atonement is real. Whatever you struggle with, there is healing in our Savior and in the unconditional love that is in these rooms. Whether you yourself is the addict, or if it is someone that you love, or you feel like you need to work through some stuff, please come you are welcome!
There is a line is Step 4 that sums up this program perfectly. It says “Because of the love and grace of the Savior, you do not have to be what you have been.” That line makes my heart just leap with hope.
Here is the preview video for the entire series, and you can watch each of the 12 steps here.
For those that feel like they are alone, you’re not. There is hope. There is healing. I know because it has happened to me and my family!! I have witnessed the most miraculous changes in people that you never would have thought could make it. I have seen this program teach people about recovery and about the Savior and it has made all the difference. It is so easy to feel like we are too lost or too far gone. That there is no way that we have a Heavenly Father that still loves us and a Savior that can redeem us. But the thing is, He is the only way back. He is our only hope, and He knows that. He’ll never give up on us because of that simple fact. Court’s addiction is the biggest blessing of my life. It’s the price that we had to pay to know our Savior and it is infinitely worth it.
If you are looking for a meeting in your city, just put your zip code into the site below and it will pull up all of the meetings in your area! addictionrecovery.lds.org
I found your blog for the all the DIYs, art, and refurbishing you do and had no idea about this part of your story. I recently lost my mom to her addiction after about 8 years of active addiction. I continue to be reminded by things (like your post) that just because she is not suffering anymore doesn’t mean this stops being a huge part of who I am. I am sending the link to these videos to my closest friends and family, we can all continue to learn and heal in memory of my mother. Thank you for sharing, it’s just what I need to see after a few rough days!
Mandi this is you at your very best! Because of your love for God and the service you are continuing to give His other children , He has magnified every facet of your life and helped you develop all of the many talents He gave you in the first place—-it’s really a win/win.
Amen!
Thank you for sharing. I have a brother with an addiction that he has had for 18 years. I used to get frustrated with him because he couldn’t just quit it! I served a mission, part of which was helping people overcome bad habits and addictions. Something that helped me catch a glimpse into what he was going through was the following suggested activity in the missionary manual:
Think of some habit you have—something you do frequently, without thinking, such as cracking your knuckles, adjusting your glasses, eating too much, or sleeping too late. Now try to go one day without doing it once. When you succeed, try to go a whole week without doing it.
It was hard! And it wasn’t even an actual addiction, just a bad habit I tried to overcome.
I believe the 12 step program is awesome and can be used by everyone! We all have some bad habit(s) that we just can’t seem to kick.
I’ll have to check out the new video series you mentioned. I have used your story as inspiration many, many times with friends and family. Thank you so much!
bravery… to share this, to take the daily steps you do and to be one to step up to share with others. A powerful story and I am sure you will help many as a result. Thank you for sharing.
I was very touched when I read your life story. My ex-husband was an addict so I have a very similar story with a very different ending. I am glad to see the church shedding light on the reality and pain associated with addiction. While they have been active in the 12 step program, which I greatly appreciate, it feels like up until this point they have dealt addiction mostly behind closed doors perpetuating the stigma associated with it. Hopefully this transparency will help even one person have the courage to seek help.
Thank you for sharing this. I know your story (long time reader) but I needed to hear this again today. Keep sharing!
Just beautiful. Thanks for sharing 🙂 life is more than pretty couches, lol 🙂
You and your family are an inspiration and not just for your mad DIY skills! Thank you for sharing!
I love you Mandi. Thank you for being my daughter in law. There is not another person on this planet that could do it.
Like!
This post was so moving and beautifully written I was brought to tears. What an awesome God we have! Thank you for sharing your story. I hope and pray that others come to know Him after reading this!
I have been following you a while but I really that you for sharing this! I am an ex drug addict and felon and Jesus saved me in prison, gave my children back to me and restored my marriage! But this gives me hope for my husband! Things are hard! But God is so good! Thanks again for sharing!
Jess
Just wanted to thank you for sharing the gospel and shedding light on the atonement! The recovery program has changed our lives. I know the principles taught there are true and can save families and marriages.
Wow! Very brave and very honest!
You are a very admirable woman! Kudos for sharing your story!
Wow–powerful story. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for inspiring others!
Thank you for this. I know this is God working through you because I definitely needed to hear what you had to say. I have had lots of similar points in my own story to yours, and am so thankful that I have had the opportunity to feel the atonement in my life as well. For me, I got the anesthesia effect, that numbing, erasing , pain relieving feeling after I went to the temple! For two years I prayed to know If I should leave my husband, and for two years I got ” go to the temple” . A recommend+One trip to the temple + One episode of crying like a feral child for 3 hours + a few weeks to let it all sink in and it is so much better!
Letting Christ work in my life is sooooo good! I still have two very addicted, warrants-out-for, homeless sisters, who I’ve tried to orchestrate recoveries for. It was a lot of elbow grease for a very small payout because I can’t want recovery for them, even if they need this in their lives. I hope to share this with them. I feel I should.
Thank you for your inspired words and message of hope, and a special thank you to your husband and children for the sharing of their story too. He is an inspiration, and gives me hope for my sisters. much love.
Beautiful, Mandi.
Thanks you for writing this and for showing Jesus’ love with zero apologies.