*Hello Friends! FYI, Its about to get spiritual up in here. If you are not comfortable with that please click away and come back tomorrow for an awesome tutorial!
Love your guts,
Mandi
It has been one year to the day since the original posting of My Real Life Story Part 1. It is the story about how I met my cute husband, how we battled his addiction to prescription pain meds for 10 years and how we have finally found hope and recovery. It is a story that might make you cry, it is also something that you can probably relate to. When you are in the midst of addiction you feel like you are being buried alive. If you have not had the chance to read it to this point I would love for you to read it here.
It wasn’t until a few months into his recovery that I came to the realization that I too was an addict. Although I was not addicted to a drug like Court was, behind every addict is usually a flaming co-dependent. I was addicted to my addict. I was addicted to controlling, punishing, guilt tripping, crying over, forcing and freaking out on his every move.
When I realized that I was going to smother his recovery I began to find recovery and peace and hope for myself. That is where our story left off.
So where are we a year later?
There have been so many miracles that we have received. The biggest being the chance that we had to be sealed in the St. George Temple in July. For those that are not of the LDS faith, you can read about what that means to us here.
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I ended Part 5 with this scripture:
“I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!”
(Alma 36:19–20).
When we finally found our way into the rooms of an LDS 12 Step Meeting this scripture was part of the step that they were reading that night. It zapped my heart. I knew how much pain I had been in. And it didn’t seem humanly possible to experience joy at that same magnitude. But I wanted that more than anything. So had faith, and it kept me going.
The beautiful sunny Saturday that my family was sealed for all eternity in the temple surrounded by people that we loved, was filled with so much joy. So much that it easily consumed the worst moment of my pain.
The Atonement of Jesus Christ has the power to take away ALL things that we are unable or unwilling to bear. I am left with a memory of those moments but I don’t feel pain when I think of them anymore. I am mostly just grateful.
I think sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in the evils of the world, Satan seems to have so much control over everything. Sometimes it can be easy to forget that our Savior has already conquered everything that Satan can throw our way. He is more powerful. Always.
There are so many things that I want to share will you, I wish I could share the hundreds of emails that I have gotten from courageous readers that bring me to tears every.single.time. Addiction is something that effects so many peoples lives. If you have sent me a note or left a comment I want you to know how much it means to me.
I wish I could show you the healing that we have been blessed with. I want you to know that my marriage is FAR from perfect, we still have lots and lots of problems just like everyone else.
When I am having a hard day this quote pulls me out of my sadness and renews my hope.
When in situations of stress, we wonder if there is any more in us to give. We can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or be wicked. Let us remember that we were measured before and were found equal to our tasks; therefore, let us continue with a more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not over-program us; He will not press upon us more than we can bear.”
–Neal A. Maxwell
I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to share a small part of our story with the world.
I have not yet known the anguish of having lost a spouse. Or the tragedy that natural disasters leave in their wake. I am blessed to have not yet had to deal with the questions and pain and what ifs of the death a child, or a life robbing illness.
But I have had to deal with the common denominator to all of these things.
I have been pulled down into the darkest place that can exist on this earth. The thick black that will suffocate any light.
The darkness of having no hope.
Christ has saved and healed our family.
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I often think about what it was like when Court was finally sober. In the very beginning we were so broken, starved for hope and had grown accustomed to the darkness. It was so easy to put aside our pride and realize how much in control of our lives the Lord truly was. I could feel his protection and his arms around me, healing me from within. Nursing our family back to health. Now we are healthy, we are grateful and we have many great adventures ahead of us. But I will never forget the feeling of complete surrender. I ache for that feeling at times.
See, the people that I spoke of just a bit ago that have had to go through things that I have not, are different from me. Their actual trials are not like mine. But all that is unique is the simple fact that we take different paths to end up in the same place; at the feet of our Savior.
Heavenly Father loves each of us enough to bless us with a way to understand the real reason that we are here, to bring us back to Him. I am grateful for addiction and tragedy. It, like a tornado, destroys our lives, and tears them completely apart. Painfully it reminds us daily of the utter mess that we have made in every single aspect of our existence. The unmanageable and complete chaos that consume everything, but because of that it also shows us that He is the ONLY ONE that can put them back together again. Stronger for next time because we have been reinforced with miracles and understanding from The One who loves us regardless of what we have done.
We all have to go through things that surely will bring us to our knees. But isn’t that the point?
I just want you to know that no matter how lost and hopeless we feel, no matter how it seems like NO ONE can understand the hurt that we live with, no matter what type of demons are knocking at our door; PLEASE understand that there is hope, always.
LDS Family Services just released a new manual and started a new support group for the families of those that are addicts. It is such an amazing meeting. If you are in a situation where you could use some support and someone to help you understand how to help your addict these meeting will give you invaluable insight.
WOW…Mandi that is beautifully written and so true, I don’t think what causes the darkness matters because the pain is the same. Thanks for sharing.
Beyond words happy for you and your family.
Oh I just love you. It feels like forever ago, but it wasn’t what..weeks, a few months ago that I was in the deep crippling pain. The on your knees and HELP ME God, prayers crying out. Been there. I can relate to you so much even though our stories are different, that’s why I love you! I just want to huuuug your neck, doll. It gets better, everyone should know that. I’m so happy for you. 🙂
xo
thanks so much for sharing this. what an amazing journey you guys have been through. those pictures of your family at the temple made me so happy. what an amazing blessing to be able to go to the temple and be sealed. every word you wrote was true. i loved reading it. what an amazing testimony. thanks again 🙂
Beautiful! I’m so happy for you and your family. It’s true that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger! There are two quotes that I have hanging in my house (thanks to Tai Pan!) that have helped carry me through some rough patches in life. #1 is “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” -Pres Monson. #2, “If God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.” I LOVE your by Elder Maxwell!
I don’t believe the point of life is to bring us to our knees. But I guess that’s probably why I’m not “spiritual.” I think the point of life is to keep us on our toes and making the world a better place.
Your are strong and brave and compassionate to share your story so openly and honestly. I’m so happy for the joy your family is finding now! Congratulations on your temple sealing!
amazing, amazing, amazing. happy for you and your family.:)
Beautiful Story girl! You guys are the most adorable family! Congrats!
Beautiful story Mandi! I wish you and Court all the best, and I am sure many people will be helped my your honesty and grace!
Love the Gospel and all that it brings. Your story is a reminder of that. Thank you for sharing.
Wow. Thank you so much for posting this Mandi. *gives biggest hug ever* I’ve been there before, you know. Drowning in the darkness. And you’re absolutely right, it does show us that the Lord is the only one who knows EXACTLY what we are going through at any time and is the only one who can help us through. I’m thankful for my trials – they have taught me to rely wholly on Christ. He didn’t necessarily pull me out immediately, but He kept me from breaking in the process.
Mandi- We haven’t met, but I feel like I know you! What a beautiful story! I am so happy for you and your family. Congrats on getting sealed in the temple! It takes a lot of guts to be that real on your blog so everyone can read it. You are a fabulous person and I admire your honesty and FAITH! I wish you and your family forever happiness:)
You have a gift. You are able to tell your story so beautifully. Whether people are LDS or not they can relate and feel of your love for your family and your Heavenly Father. Love you!
I loved part 2 as much as part 1! Your family is so stinkin’ cute! Forever I have thought that Court looks like some familiar movie star. . .but who??? I finally figured it out today. He is Zac Eforn. He is sooooo Zac Efron! I am so relieved to finally have that one figured out!!!
That was beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing. I am so happy for you and your family!
I’m glad I checked in today to see what was up on Vintage revivals! After a rough night with my kiddos and being completely overwhelmed with my current “tasks” at hand, I really needed to hear the wisdom from Elder Maxwell. Thanks for sharing your struggles and your triumphs! Your family is beautiful! Love the pictures, can’t believe how big your girls are getting!
That is such a sweet post. Thank you for sharing… and making me cry. So very touching. It is a nice reminder that we are not alone. Hugs to you and your family.
So happy for you guys! Congratulations on your sealing!!
AMEN!!
Yay! Congratulations! This is the best post you’ve ever posted! Beautiful little-eternal-family in the making! 🙂 LOVE your dress too!
Nat
doodlecraft.blogspot
Thanks for sharing Mands! I adore you and your story and your willingness to share it with all of us!
I love your news!
You. Are. Awesome.
-Chelsea (The witch who recognized you at Gardner Village’s Witches night out.) 🙂
I’m so happy for you and your family! God is real and truly can/will work miracles when we invite him into our hearts and our lives. I’m so grateful for people like you brave enough to share your testimony of him to the world. Thank you! You are an inspiration!
Mandi (and Court) I love YOUR guts, even more than before! Thank you for your bravery in sharing your trials and your testimony. Christ’s love truly does heal all things and changes lives when we have the humility and faith to allow it to work in our lives.
Beautiful post. I loved it. Thanks Mandi.
I have only been following your blog for a couple months so this is the first that I had heard “your story.” Thanks for your courage to share. After reading your post this morning I did my daily scripture reading and read this – “Worship God in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that you live in thanksgiving daily for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you”. Alma 34:38. You are a great example of that scripture. It is hard in today’s world to Worship God wherever we are – but I feel encouraged today to do that more in my life. Thanks for the inspiration!
Amy
I love that you’ve shared your story! It’s one of the things that has attracted me to your blog in the first place…that, and your other awesomeness. congrats to you and your family. Christ and His atonement truly are the source of all healing. I believe we must be brought to our knees and humbled, before we can rise to our toes and and bless the world in a profound way (referring to ‘annonymous’ comment above)
I was just reading Pres. Uchdorf’s conf talk yesterday and was having some similar thoughts. You are amazing! Andd so is your husband and your little family. I know the heart ache that this story can bring, mine ended slightly different, but I am so SO blessed. Those dark days make you so grateful for the light. Thank you for being so brave to share your story and testimony with the world! I was just in St. George visitng during Thanksgiving and thought of you.
I am happy for you and your family and applaud you for telling your story!
Mandi.
I don’t think its coincidence that you are placed in the public spotlight.
I think you’re corageous & wonderful.
Its one of the greateset blessings in my life this year.. having met you & Court that is.
Love you so.
mandi, this is perfectly expressed. i especially loved the quote by elder maxwell. he was one of my favorites (we all have favorite apostles, even if we’re not “supposed” to). thank you for sharing your story. i can’t adequately express how comforting it is to hear about others’ trials and how we really do have to use the gospel to get through everything in life. again, thanks.
p.s. st. george is one of my favorite temples. and your temple photos are beautiful!
It is truly amazing what we are individually addicted to. I’m so happy for your whole family. Congratulations.
absolutely amazing! i have been waiting for this part of your story. so thankful that you have shared it. you are an excellent teacher! xo
Mandi,
Oh my heart….I just love the crap out of you! This post was so inspiring. Will you please let Court know that all of your readers are SO proud of him and his victory! You guys are so stinkin cute and are so REAL, one of the many things that I love about you! Miss you, hope to see you soon!
Love you Mandi! You are amazing and I admire your strength and courage. I agree that each and every one of us will have our own unique experiences that will test us as to our strength and resolve. Thanks for turning yours into a positive force for so many! xoxo
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. My husband has been through the addiction recovery program as well and I attended several family meetings. I can’t say enough good things about this program. It has changed our lives. I appreciate your honesty, I wish we could all be this open about our problems. Too often we suffer in the darkness because of the stigmas about addiction. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. My husband has been through the addiction recovery program as well and I attended several family meetings. I can’t say enough good things about this program. It has changed our lives. I appreciate your honesty, I wish we could all be this open about our problems. Too often we suffer in the darkness because of the stigmas about addiction. Thank you!
Such a beautiful and honest post. I’m so happy for you and your family–Congratulations on your temple sealing!
Thank you for being brave enough to share! Very inspiring!
My dearest Mandi,
My awesome, talented, and amazingly gifted friend….you are fulfilling the FULL measure of your creation. For some reason, people need to hear: this happened to me too. It just makes us feel better. I suppose that’s why the 12 steps work so well. But for those people who aren’t quite there yet…or just need a reminder….you are there. And I am grateful for the reminder that not only have other people been there, but that Jesus Christ suffered everything that I will ever suffer. And that he understands fully. Sometimes I forget him. I love you and am so grateful that you’d share this!
Thank you Mandi!
thank you so much for the quote by elder maxwell. i have not been struggling with addiction but with the crippling feelings of inadequacy of being a wife and mother. wondering why i thought i could ever nuture or care for my children. feeling depressed and downtrodden. thank you for reminding me that God does not set us up to fail but provides us with all the tools to succeed.
Thankyou so much for sharing your story, this is why I started following your blog in the first place, and I loved it so much I had to stay! 🙂 Congrats on being sealed. What a special special day for your family.
*sniff*sniff*
I am so happy for you and your sweet family! Thanks so much for being so open and sharing your real life story.
~Nat
loved this post! so happy yall were able to get sealed together as an eternal family!
Thank you for your courage & faith. Sometimes we get so consumed by our own issues we forget why we’re here. Thank you for reminding me.
I know you have no idea who I am (a faithful reader), but I feel so blessed to have heard your beautiful story!
It is very inspiring and Elder Maxwell’s quote is exactly what I needed, so thank you. You are a beautiful person with a beautiful eternal family, I am truly happy for you!
You are amazing, Mandi. Thank you so much for sharing your story…I don’t have the words to tell you just how wonderful, beautiful & terrific I think you are….truly…
Thank you for this post Mandi! Tomorrow would be the 3rd birthday of my baby boy that passed away and I have been having a rough week. I came to your blog (like I do everyday!) and this post was exactly what I needed to hear. The Atonement has also healed me and my family in a different way than yours, but I needed this wonderful reminder today! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so happy for you and your family! Your family pictures are so adorable too! You can just see the love and joy in all your faces. Great testimony! We all need to hear that kind of encouragement once in a while (more often actually!)
You are a treasure!
I love your guts, woman!
Mandi- this post is so perfectly written. It makes me respect you (and your husband) so much. It’s so well written- mature, insightful, and honest. It is posts like this that that I would direct my friends not of our faith to read. Thank you for representing the church so well, and for sharing your sweet story and miracles. None of us are perfect, and we all need our Savior. That is what life is all about!!
Mandi,
Thank you so much for your inspiring story. My husband and I are going through some VERY difficult times in our marriage. You have given me so much hope.
Miracles do happen!!!
Thanks again,
Liz
Mandi,
I am a new reader but my heart is so incredibly full right now. I know that Heavenly Father has placed you here and right now to help others and I know that you are answering that call. I never post on here but I could not turn away from the page without telling you Thank You. You are inspiring and so brave. Your honestly and willingness to share will and has, blessed the lives of many.
I have chills! In case you can’t tell by all of these comments, you are beyond loved by your readers!! Thanks so much for sharing. You are a beautiful family. I know the joy of taking your children to the temple with you to be sealed, and I am SO very happy for you guys! Way to stick with it, and not give up the faith. You’re amazing.
Hi Mandi,
Thanks for sharing so openly about your struggles. Such a beautiful thing to know Jesus and to trust him with our journey!
God bless you and your lovely family!
Jacquelyn
Thanks, Mand for my uplifting thoughts for today. I’m serious– so well written, and so beautiful.
HUGS
Mandi,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, struggles, and faith. You are an inspiration to all of us. I can only imagine what an awesome experience that day in the temple was for you and your beautiful family. Thanks again for being brave enough to tell the good, the bad and the ugly!
Beautiful! You ARE Beautiful!!!! What an inspiration you are to others in so many ways. Thank you for using your talents wisely to bless others. God is using you to help his children feel love. You keep on going, girl! You are more than Miss America.
Thanks for the lift. I needed that today.
I’m thrilled for you. Your faces show such internal joy and happiness. You guys are radiating! Best wishes…:)
I clicked your link above to find out what being sealed meant, but it just went to a faq about mormons? I am a christian but I have never heard of being sealed? Is that a mormon thing?
Jaime, in the bible in Matthew chapter 16 verse 19 it says– “And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” We believe that being sealed together as a family was in Christ’s church when he was upon the earth and has been restored…this is a big reason why we have temples in our faith. Hope that helps a little.:)
Mandy, thank you for sharing your story. addiction runs rampant in my family. It is so hopeful and helpful to hear of others’ experiences. Merry Christmas to your sweet family!
Mandi, you are truely an amazing person. I am so happy for you and your family. Your story is truly an inspiration. Thank you.
Mandi-
My family came here for Thanksgiving. As we were swapping old Copper Hills 2nd Ward stories, we were also sharing updates on those we have kept track of. I shared with him that your family had been sealed in the temple. His eyes immediately lit up and he said, “I married them, you know.” I just wanted you to be aware that you are still touching the lives of those of us that have known you since your girls camp days. I love reading your “Real Life Story.” I hope someday I can grow up to be as awesome as you! 😉
With Love,
Amber Sturm
Thank you, Mandi 🙂
I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am for you! You have a beautiful family and from what I read of you here, you deserve all the happiness in the world! I know exactly what you mean about everyone having different trials..mine being losing a baby…..but they all bring us closer to Heavenly Father and that is what life is all about…unfortunately we can’t go through life without some bumps and bruises….but with each others help and the help with H.F. we can do anything! You are one strong woman! I kinda love your freaking guts! <3
Hey girl, I’m a new follower-love your blog and spirit. Cheers
Best post in the history of EVER! I love the pictures at the temple – just gorgeous and you can really see the true happiness that the gift of eternal families is! Thanks for sharing – such a beautiful post!
Thanks for sharing, Mandi. I went back and read your entire story. My husband has a pornography addiction. Luckily it is not severe and is just something we have to deal with here and there (and remain constantly vigilant so that it does not escalate to something severe–which could happen very easily). But it’s an addiction, and I think all of us who have dealt with addiction understand how that feels. I have never been so close to the Savior as I have when things get bad. I am grateful to have these experiences otherwise I never would have know what it means to truly rely on the Savior and our Father in Heaven. I love reading your blog, but now I feel like I can identify with you in a stronger way. We will likely be battling this for the rest of our lives, but, like your quote from Elder Maxwell reminds us, we can do this.
That was so beautifully expressed. Thanks so much for sharing your life with us in such a personal way. It truly is a blessing to be a part of.
Awesome post. Congrats on being sealed!
I love that you are so open about your struggles and triumphs in life. I’m so glad that you have been able to find the love of Christ through everything you’ve been through. Yes, there is always hope because of Jesus. Even on my worst day, it’s soon one of my best when I remember God is beside us. When there is nobody else, and every other thing in the world fails us, Jesus Christ never does and He is always there. Take heart, for He has overcome the world!
Mandi, I told Court congrats at Durango’s, but I don’t know if I ever told you. We are so happy for you. You are amazing!
Your post caused me to have a huge moment of clarity about myself. I needed this reminder and I can’t thank you enough!
Mandi,
So happy to read your story…I commented on your original story earlier this year after discovering that my son (age 20) is a heroin addict, which started with an addiction to Oxycontin.
I, too, suffer from the co-dependency that comes from having an addict in the family – and what a difficult road it is has been…but so many wonderful lessons learned and I am in such a better place. A lot of hard work has taken place – I feel like I’ve been through the “fiery furnance.”
I am so thrilled that you could go to the temple. I was raised LDS but no longer practice. I believe in God, and Christ, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t practice the LDS religion any more.
Anyway, so happy your story has a happy ending…we are working on ours, one day at a time. I now lead the very Family Recovery group that I could barely sit through without melting into a pile of tears. I hope to share what I have laerned with so many others who struggle. I am also a part of the Heroin Awareness Committee in Albuquerque…we speak, we reach out, we educate and we hold each other up when we want to fall down. I speak a lot at the high schools – heroin addiction typically starts with addiction to Oxycontin or other prescription drugs. Education and transparency is what I am about.
Love your blog, but more importantly, love the spirit behind it.
Hoping this next year holds many blessings for you.
~alicia
proof-of-love.blogspot.com
YAY Mandi!!! My body was covered in chills when I saw the temple pictures 🙂 What a beutiful day. I am SO happy for you guys. SUPER proud of you guys too! Love ya!
Jen
Crying buckets over here. Thank you for sharing.
Mandi,
Thank you for sharing your “real life” with us. It makes a world of difference, you have been so brave to do it, thank you. I am SO SO SO glad that you and your husband and little girls have found hope. The quote you wrote from Neal A. Maxwell spent YEARS on my mirror, it’s always helped me too. Love you girl!
Mandi – longtime lurker coming out to say thank you for posting your story. It is so inspiring! You have a beautiful family and such a great design eye.
Mandi!! So exciting you were able to be sealed to your cute family. So happy for you!
Thanks for your courage in sharing your experiences and beliefs! Too often we are afraid to share our beliefs as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Your post was beautifully written and so inspiring! Thanks!
Wow girl. I am so glad that you never lost sight even though I am sure there were many times you just want to give up and throw your hands in the air. You have a truly amazing story. I am so glad that you didn’t let satan keep you from being an eternal family. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thanks for being brave enough to share your story. Your post brought me to tears. Today has been a hard day for me. We found out just recently our little two-year-old sweet boy is autistic. We may never get the opportunity, in this life, to know the joys of speaking with our son, he will probably get teased, his whole life is stressful to him. It breaks my heart nearly every day to think of these things. I feel so incredibly inadequate for this task and there are days when I feel like I have failed at this, that the Lord has sent me something too large to bear, but your post reminded me that the Atonement of Jesus Christ has already made up for whatever shortcomings I have as a mother. This trial will be lifelong for our family, but I know that days will be happier and that the Lord has already gone through the pain so that he can “succor” us through our pain. Thank you again!